We all get triggered on a regular basis and those triggers often come from the people closest to us. Without these people being there to mirror back to us areas in our lives that need to work on, growth might be more difficult. I tell people that those people are a gift to us at the moment we get triggered and they usually look at me with confusion and disbelief.
A trigger is anything that creates a negative reaction within us. A trigger can be created by anything and everything; a smell, an item of clothing, a déjà vu moment, seriously anything! The moment we get triggered we are no longer in mental/emotional present time but have gone back to a past memory and we are reliving the situation and feeling all the emotions again. The biggest problem is not reliving the memory but not being conscious of what’s happening and then projecting it into the present time situation often creating a bigger problem than what may be happening.
Have you ever received a gift that you really didn’t like or appreciate. I have, the one that comes quickly to mind is an electric can opener, but that’s another story. Anyway, we don’t always appreciate gifts that are given to us and it’s the same with the gift of being triggered. I might not appreciate the gift at the time it’s given but if I’m willing to look at what’s being presented – meaning the emotions that are coming up – and work thru the discomfort of them, then that’s where the growth comes and hopefully the appreciation of the gift.
I do a lot of work with people to help them heal their wounded inner child: I do a lot of work to heal my own wounded inner child. Lately, she has been angry about, well lots of different things, and hasn’t wanted to let go of the anger; that’s challenging to relationships. My little one has felt intense anger and frustration, feeling used and abused, and even though I’m not one to have public tantrums, I have been having private ones.
There are days that I don’t want to receive the gift at that particular moment so I allow my little one to have her tantrum or pity party and when it feels complete I take the time to look at and hopefully grow from the gift that was offered me.
For years I’ve been teaching that acknowledging and honoring the emotions we feel lets the little ones inside us know that we are listening to them and care about their well-being. If we think back to our childhood, most of us were told to buck up, stop crying, get over it, and the child felt hurt, rejected and unheard. Learning to listen to the little one now and honor the feelings and thoughts that are surfacing, allows the little one to feel heard and validated and then they are more likely to let go of the past wounds and present day life gets easier.
I’ve shown my clients how to have tantrums and pity parties and tell them as long as they’re going to do it they might as well really make it big. (I learned a while back that Wayne Dyer does this as well and I thought “cool, we’re in good company”). The key is to do them privately so that we’re not making more messes to clean up. If I’m listening and validating myself then I don’t necessarily need to have others experience my tantrums.
Experts estimate that we have 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts per day (this is the mean) which averages out to approximately 2,500 – 3,300 thoughts per hour. It is also believed that 70 – 80% of all our thoughts are negative. That’s a lot of subconscious negative thoughts.
Our thoughts are created from our DNA, programming and personal experiences. Because these are thoughts we aren’t going to know consciously, it’s important to pay more attention to our feelings. I believe that feelings are the traffic signals that keep us safe and give us information about our thoughts. When we take the time to listen to our feelings then we can get more understanding as to the subconscious thoughts we are having.
I am so grateful for my feelings and the information they give me and the healing that I gain from acknowledging them. It’s for this reason that I say that the people or situations that show up and trigger us are gifts. They bring up feelings and emotions that are ready to be acknowledged and healed and if I take the time to nurture my wounded inner child thru the moment then we have been given a wonderful gift.